i pledge to be more sincere to myself, to the love ones, and to you.
i pledge to not to make the same stupid mistakes ever again.
i pledge to live for Him.
*sounds easy, very simple to type in, but thats what im gonna do starting from now *
its been like years i didnt update my blog. well, this is the new one since i forgot my previous password. haish. friend, i really do had a rough long dirty harsh sorrow time and everything in between for almost 2 straight months.pfft. teenage dream konon. thats not happening to me obviously. i really want to explain more in details about what i have been through for that particular period of time. but i just dont know how to start. so, the best solution is, i will update it in my blog here. one of the best medium to express yourself. right?
honesty is the best policy. i cant agree more on that. im not being honest to myself, and to others. and it hurts so bad. i know. im not blaming others. its all my fault anyway. but then, it is true that being honest is what people really want? or they just want to hear things that they want to? or they dont really matters about what they will hear, but what they really care about is me being nice all the time? or even they just being sick of me doing things that they dont like? its like im living for them! god. what a great influence they are to me and how stupid i am being lock up by their words, view, and thoughts. im tough but im weak. i am well-made but strongly infirm. i can t blame them. ive made my decision. and its done. so i have to face the circumstances. enough of others. lets talk about something else. im having quite bad luck in my love life. i can guarantee that. decide. choose. think. right? wrong? good? bad? one thing that i had from all these questionable answer, alone. hmmm. no matter how close you are, how many friends you have, at the end, you will be alone, you'll die alone, you'll sleep alone, you'll nag, talk, seat, pee, alone. its all about you making decision, not you doing the right thing. and i have learned from that mistakes. it hurts man. so bad. i can sure you that. no one knows how i feel, what i think, who i wanted to be with. people may feel that they know, but they didnt really feel the pain. i dont even know thats in their mind either. but what i know is that, im hurting them. im so sorry, deeply sorry, truly sorry friend.
im not good at giving an advice to people, but from what ive been through, be honest, be yourself, be selfish. be brave, be tough. friend. let me give you an example, you want to drink, but you hate water, so you eat, but then youre not hungry, you are full even. how? confuse right? thats me. confusion is the best word to describe myself. i wonder how people can get out from a situation of choosing Ferrari or Audi V8. i need to choose either one, neither both, nor none. can you get that? still, i choose not to choose. again, BIG MISTAKE written right above my head. pfft. i didnt choose but i tend to act like it. and it hurts him a lot. i noticed. look, hear this buddy, i am so messed up. and i make mistakes. i dont think straight. i dont think twice. im reckless. but it doesnt mean that i do it purposely. technically yes, but its not. okay. urghh. im just tired of being someone else that i dont. great. now i didnt even know myself.
thank god it happened. it makes me think. at last, and at least. its continue. :)
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